A semester that is special...

Aix en provence, France .. my desktop weather gadget indicates that it is 0 degrees Celsius outside. Thanks to my mini heater (which is surprisingly reliable), my small dorm room is protected from the harsh climate. It has snowed this morning, but I was kind of knocked out from the sleep deprivation over the past few days. Obviously, sleeping for 4-5 hours a day is not going to help my body.. so I had to compensate for that. As I peep out of my window, I see puddles of water frozen all over the place. Oh dear, how cold can it get in Aix? What I see now is in stark contrast with what welcomed us into France 4 months ago..

August 2009.. Aix en provence - the town of springs that is over 2 millennia old.. we started our adventure (yup, it is one big adventure) in France by staying in a studio apartment at a hotel. We experienced a very hot summer, and French hotels do not have fans. We cooked everyday and enjoyed free internet. We are international masters students now.. students of IAE (business school). College was nice, located in a peaceful village near Aix. Unfortunately (for me), we had to take 2 bus rides to get there. All international students were divided into 4 groups based on their previous knowledge of the french language, and then taught french for the first 2 weeks. I was in the beginners group (I still belong to the same group). We got started with the administrative stuff. We had fun in the team building workshop, where we built self-propelled automobiles using rubber bands & balloons


IAE is different from most other colleges, especially the ones back in India. Professors are very friendly & enthusiastic here. Lectures are delivered in an informal tone. Students are evaluated through individual exams & group works. IAE also has visiting professors from different countries. Instead of having classes for each subject throughout the semester, the class is sped through each subject through a series of lectures over a short duration of time. Sometimes, the schedule feels so hurried that a subject starts on day 1, has an exam on day 2 and concludes with a group work on day 3. But the group work was always fun. It was an enriching experience working with people from different countries bringing in diverse perspectives.



I moved to student dormitory in September. Actually, this was the first time I ever lived in a dorm. For me it was a big change, considering the fact that I lived alone in a 4 room apartment in hyderabad. This was made up by the internet speed, which is extremely high here (Sometimes I can download a whole movie in 15 minutes) Settling in was the hardest thing for me to do, not because it was a tough transition, but because I took the "settling in" process too seriously. For the first few weeks, our classmates had one trip or the other. We went to the nearby towns Marseille, Cassis, etc.



I thought I can get used to the environment by travelling along with my friends. I was wrong. Although I enjoyed those trips, they were taking a toll on my body. I had no proper food (read Indian food) here, and the food served in student cafeteria is either boiled vegetable or beef & pork. I couldn't take it anymore, so I bought a stove and started cooking everyday. Things got better, but only until I understood that cooking was not a problem at all, but doing dishes was. I was back to square one. However, I got used to a routine, Frites (French fries) became my primary food. I cooked occasionally, sometimes even had guests. We had a weekly dinner at another hostel block, which was an international potluck. . I cooked Indian curries for the first few days, but they were extremely spicy by international standards, hence I had to stop cooking for the dinner. On the whole, we enjoyed excellent food at those parties. More than the food, we enjoyed each others' company

Since there are so many nationalities in such a small class, it was hard for me to get used to so many accents. I had to change my own accent because it sounded too Indian and nobody would understand it, hence I started using my alter-accent, something I came up with at my first job for conference calls with US stakeholders & foreign teams. And the chinese are a majority in our class (4 of them). They gave everyone chinese nicknames. It's very interesting to know about china & chinese food is really tasty! Talking about getting to know countries, we had a marketing course, part of which is preparing a presentation about a country. I teamed up with Karthick & presented India, which got the highest score! Each day the class spent together, our understanding of the world was further enhanced.


Since I cannot drink alcohol (I tried it by the way, the taste sucked), I could not go to any of the wine parties or bar hops. My pastimes were playing tennis with Yagr and cooking food. We also enjoyed eating at Indian restaurants & food outlets (BK foods near Estellan is really good). Gradually, the hot & sunny Aix slipped into cold winter. My coat is not even close to keeping me warm, so I bought a new one here. Things are very expensive here. A good hair-cut costs atleast 15 euro and a good Indian meal costs 25 euro (1600 rupees? in hyderabad, i could get a biryani for 100!). Train tickets are also expensive. I took the TGV, fastest wheeled train in the world, to Paris (800 KM in 3 hours) to collect my Finnish visa. Paris is a beautiful city, a blend of medieval heritage & modern amenities. I enjoyed walking & cycling down those long & tidy streets.


Towards the end of the semester, we had an enterprise forum; a career fair. This was an eye opener, most of the employers are not willing to hire people who don't speak good french. It is very important to learn at least one european language to secure a job here. To conclude the semester, our professor Laifa arranged a separate forum for IMMIT with representatives of 3 french companies, followed by a lunch with them. Strangely, that's when I actually had "French" food for the first time - a leafy salad & a cooked duck ( i don't even know their real names).

Now that the semester is over, everybody shot off in different directions to explore Europe. We will start the next semester on Jan 4th 2010, in Turku, Finland. I'll be leaving Aix on the last day of the year and celebrating the new year in Helsinki. These 4 months were loaded with experiences, it is hard to believe that 4 months passed so fast. And now we are ready for another adventure, Finland. One of the coldest places I will ever possibly live in, Turku can get as cold as -30 degrees Celsius. I already have plans for Turku - playing tennis, ping pong, cycling & travelling. It will be loaded with fun. Yet there is something mysteriously seducing about Aix that makes me feel a little nostalgic. Although our stay is very short here, I'm sure .. that some day, I will be back for more fun! Miss you Aix!!

A new journey...

"Wake up now, or you'll miss the flight"

My brother was shaking me out of my half an hour nap. I tried to open my eyes and focus on the watch. What time is it? 3:00 am. Still feeling drowsy, i made my way through the room packed with baggage. It is not easy to get ready at this hour, i had to brush my teeth with ice cold water.

I put on the clothes set aside the day before, mom, dad and bro were all set to go. My sweet granny called me up and prayed for my well-being. The cabbie arrived on the dot. Everything was going as planned. We reached Shamshabad airport well in time. Although I got my check-in and immigration formalities done, I couldn't spend enough time with my family. Just a one minute chat, and I ran into the airport across the immigration desks.

I booked premium-economy, but somehow I was upgraded to executive class. Mmmm.. executive class is good! I put my stuff in the shelves above and sank into my chair. The flight took off smoothly, and I looked at the rising sun. As I fell asleep again, there was only one thought in my mind, I'm going to miss watching the sunrise in my home country for a long time...

Over an year ago, I gave my GMAT. Strike one. 650. Good, but not enough. Not if I want to get into a management program. Not if I want to get a scholarship. Hence, Strike two it is. But this isn't baseball, strike two is 3 months away. Cool, I didn't feel like I need to rush things. I can concentrate on my project at hand and prepare for GMAT right before the exam. A week of preparation should be enough (given the fact that this is my second attempt). What about TOEFL? Everyone told me that it is easy to prepare for and a week should be ok. So I booked slots for both exams in the same week.

And that week came even before I started my preparation. So it was a one night preparation for TOEFL and no preparation for GMAT. Incredibly, I did better this time and my GMAT score went up by 10 points (... only). And my TOEFL score wasn't bad either. I was convinced that I could get into a good college in the US, if not into one in the top 50. But as I started my research about colleges and programs, the reality started becoming obvious.

Getting into college is directly linked to ones financial capability. If you're not going into a top 20 college and/or you don't have a striking CV, you've got to be rich. Filthy rich. By some calculations, the fee is more than the lifetime earnings of an average middle class Indian family. I checked every type of loan available, what I observed was that you would get a loan only if you have something twice as valuable as the loan amount for security (somebody explain this to me. twice?). Else you need a US cosigner. Strangely, I remember people who asked for a US cosigner for funding UK courses. US, UK, Australia, Singapore and even Hong Kong. Nothing was within my reach. I used all the math I've learnt until that point of time in my life, but the numbers said only one thing - that I cannot invest in a master degree right away.

I told myself that I wasn't ready yet. Perhaps the preparation helped me in a good way, it helped me get stronger. And helped me learn how to stay focused. I'll work for a few years and then it will be Btech + Executive MBA. I was convinced that this is the only solution. I got back to my plans at office, what to work on for the next 6 months. But my dad changed my life with a single phone call. He called me up to tell me about a seminar organized by a european university. A newspaper article explains how the european education system is different from that in many other countries. I thought it was interesting, so I hit google. Then I found the course that would later be my masters program - IMMIT.

International Masters in Management of Information Technology. The contents and the delivery methods of this program are quite interesting. And there is a scholarship too! I decided to give it a shot. And I gave it my best shot. I got good recommendations from my workplace and a good CV with extracurriculars. Thankfully, I made it through the selection process. And I've got to thank so many people for this, my family for always being with me, my best friend (without whom I wouldn't have thought of a masters degree in the first place), my managers and my teammates at office for supporting me, my good friend Ravindra for being my MBA application "compatriot" (he's a more deserving candidate for a masters than I am) and everyone who has ever helped me inch towards my goal (even those who thought I could never do it).

I worked on my visa(s) and documentation, got my tickets ready and started buying stuff. This is going to be a long journey, hence I better be well-prepared. I left my job, which wasn't easy, after having worked for 3 years, I felt like I was about to be catapulted out of my comfort zone. On my last day at work, I was the last person in our team to leave the campus for the day. I just didn't feel like leaving. Getting a little sentimental, am I? :) I'll never feel the same way about another job in my life. I got everything ready and when the time arrived, I said my goodbyes and flew to my home for the first semester, France.

I woke up when we were cruising at 39000 feet. Outside temperature .. -58 degrees celcius. I kept wondering how cold it would be in France at that point of time. But the truth came in as a surprise though, because I had to transit through London, and I stayed for one night in an airport hotel. The climate at London wasn't even close to being cold. And down south in France, I could already see how warm it could be.

I took the connecting flight the next morning and reached Marseille, France. I met two of my classmates, Narek from Armenia and Suresh from Nepal. We headed to Aix-en-provence, where we would be staying for the next 4 months. As we headed to Aix on the highway, I looked at the vast green landscapes of Southern France through the bus window. I felt like I missed my cozy apartment. I missed my folks back home. But there's something more important ahead of me. My hope for a bright career, and my first step towards that - IMMIT ...

Identity crisis

Who am I? What is my identity? I, as an individual, am supposed to have some set of characteristics & that identifies me uniquely. Bad luck, I don't think I am supposed to cling on to those set of traits any more.

The world is changing. Financial crises, natural calamities, civilian revolutions.. yet the transition in my case is far too radical. Way beyond anything I could've ever imagined. Had I anticipated such a change, I would've at least tried to prepare myself for it. Or was I too blinded by my dreams to have noticed this impending change? Perhaps too blinded by fantasies to have taken anything seriously.

Yet, the "society" does not want me to change. It assumes that I am "something"; no, it decides on my behalf that I am "something", marks me with an 'X' mark right across my forehead and wants me to remain that way. If I protest, if I express my desire to change.. I'll be considered one of the heretics disturbing the balance in this so called civilized society.

Perhaps it is this very stimulus that triggers the feeling of hatred in people. The feeling of being oppressed. The feeling of being stomped upon.. by the heavy boots of conservative dogma. People either kill or get killed to free our minds from that oppression. And if I choose the same path, I'll only become one more insignificant (read "significant on a minor scale") creature ready to be squashed out of existence.

Fortunately or unfortunately, i cannot choose this path. Talking about it, I don't have an alternative path to take either. I am in the middle of no where, searching for a way out when actually there is no way out. Even a confused mouse in a maze is in a better situation, because it can try out new routes by trial and error. A comfort that is not available in my case.

If incidents & events describe what a person has been through.. if experiences determine what shaped a personality.. if memories decide how the person is going to live the future.. what identity can that person hold if the whole world is trying to wipe these 3 factors out of his life? He can no longer be himself. Without even one of these.. a person is as good as a temporary biological entity in a vegetative state.

I wonder why we think amnesiacs are at a disadvantage. An ideal amnesiac is my definition of a gifted person. He does not have to remember a thing that has happened in the past. He need not worry about the future, because he won't remember it anyway. The only thing he has to worry about is his "present" (the "gift", that is). No haunting memories.. no feeling of guilt.. no pain of loss.

Without this gift.. I am bound to suffer, while simultaneously trying to appreciate the boons I had received so far. If the only thing that is constant is change.. the change has to oscillate the status quo between things that are pro-me and con-me. And if it is in such a way as to hurl the way things are going into an unpredictable trajectory.. taking every possible advantage away from me.. I can no longer lie dormant. That leaves me no choice.. but to fight...

Phone a friend..

Jan 23rd, 2007. Time - 10:30 pm. I was on my way home, driving through the chilly streets of Hyderabad. I wasn't sure if it was the winter, or if it was me not wearing a jacket, it was really hard to control the bike, i wasn't even riding at the bike's top speed (well, that was around an incredible 65 kmph). Hyderabad is too big a city for me. I was wondering how long it would take for me to reach my destination. Still 10 KM away from home, and my mobile started ringing.

I hate answering my mobile when i am driving, but this call could be from the high command (dad, that is). I pulled over and took out my phone, only to see an unknown number flashing on the display. I wanted to ignore the call, but sometimes my friends happen to call even from strangers' mobiles. So I wanted to finish it quickly and answered the call.

 "Hello?" - I instantly recognized the caller's voice, somehow; it was the voice of a typical female sales executive, one who would try to lure you into joining their club, the promotional gifts for which would never arrive. Anyway, I don't know the person.

"Who is this?"

"Can I speak to Sarath?"

Of course not. "Sorry, wrong number"

"Oh, I'm sorry" and she hung up

I resumed my long journey. 2 minutes later, the phone rung again. Same number, same girl. I ignored the call. 2 more minutes and she gave another ring. and another. and another. Now what's so urgent that someone can disturb a stranger at this hour?

"Hello?"

"I am really sorry for bothering you at this hour, but this is the number they gave me. They said I should be able to reach sarath at this number"

"Who gave you this number?"

"Actually I am searching for my childhood friend, sarath. He had been missing since 10th class"

"I tell you .. this is the wrong number, don't bug me like that, i'm driving right now."

"I have been searching for him for years now, I really miss him"

I really felt like strangling her. "Listen lady, you got the wrong number. I'm hanging up, and don't dial my number again". and I hung up.

This girl was definitely enjoying the little joke, she called me again. Fine then, I decided to run her out of talktime.

"what's your problem?"

"guys enjoy talking to beautiful girls at this hour. what's wrong with you?"

to hell with your theory. "oh really? it's good to hear that you think you are beautiful, but not everyone is interested in talking to strangers like this."

"strangers? fine, let's be friends then. my name is kalyani, what's your name?"

"my name is pawan kalyan"

"oh c'mon, i told you my name. why don't you tell your name"

"that's my name. kalyan. pawan kalyan" "bond. james bond.

"is that your real name?"

"yes it is"

"very interesting. i'm a student, from vijayawada. where are you from? what do you do?"

"i'm a software engineer" i blurted out. It was really strange, I could lie about my name, but when it came to my profession, the first thing that came to my mouth was 'SOFTWARE ENGINEER'

"oh, so you are from hyderabad" she assumed naturally.

Darn you, that's the last thing i want you to know about me. "ok buddy, listen, its freezing cold out here and i need to reach home as soon as possible. we'll talk later, ok? bye"

"ok, bye" and she hung up

2 days later, i got a call from the same number. i didn't recognize the number, so i answered the call.

"Hi buddy, remember me?"

"Ah! yes, anveshitha, tell me. 

"Anveshitha? who's that?"

"you were searching for your lost friend, weren't you? that's why you must be named Anveshitha. were you able to find him?"

"not yet. anyway.. how's the climate in hyderabad? you know in vijayawada, it's just too hot. i want to quit the computer classes because i am unable to cycle all the way to the institute... blah blah blah.." and she went on describing herself and the significant events in her life. She continued calling me regularly. I paid attention to her only when i had nothing else to do. I remember very little of what she had told me over phone. This went on for a couple of weeks.

One day she called me and said she had something important to tell me.

"what is it?"

"i really don't know how to tell you. i've never been in such a situation before"

"oh really. what is it"

"it is not easy to say it.."

"good. don't say it"

"i don't mean i won't say it. but it is just very difficult to.."

"ok anveshitha i've got to go. catch you later."

"oh no, please don't hang up. i'll tell you what it is"

"yes tell me"

"i.. i.. i love you"

thank goodness i reached the climax of a really long joke.

"gud joke. bye"

"i mean it buddy, i really mean it."

"so what do you want me to do?"

"stupid, a girl just proposed to you and you are asking her what to do?"

now she was getting on my nerves. "what makes you think you can call me stupid? you're the idiot you keep calling for no reason and play such pranks. shame on you. blah blah? blah blah blah."

"accept my proposal. tell that you love me"

"you can go to hell"

"i'll die if you won't say i love you"

"shut up rascal. is this your idea of a joke? is this what your parents taught you?"

more blah blah from me.

"give me one reason why you cannot reciprocate"

reason, my foot. "you want a reason? fine. i have a girl friend. reasonable enough? now go get a life.."

perhaps i was enjoying scolding her.. this went on for 2 more minutes.

"calm down. i know that it is not possible for you to reciprocate. you know, i am going to die anyway"

Man! is this just another suicide case? 3 years ago, i talked to a guy on yahoo chat, who wanted to kill himself because his girl friend cheated him. this time, i didn't want to get involved.

"are you mad? do you entertain yourself by scaring people like this?"

"no pal, i really am dying. i am a cancer patient"

this was getting sentimental. "are you kidding?"

"no i'm not. i was kidding about the i love you part."

i had this strange feeling that she wasn't lying. cancer patients need not sound like devdas. yet, after listening to her enthusiastic voice all these days, i couldn't believe that she was a terminally ill patient.

for the first time, instead of being passive, i started 'TALKING' to her. she told me that she had leukemia. her health was beyond repair by then, and doctors gave her 6 months to live. her family went all out to give every possible extension to her life span. she wanted to go for higher education, get married and live a happy life, but God didn't give her that chance. so she decided to accept her fate and live her last days to the fullest extent. i continued my 'telephonic' conversations with her.

"i am going on a tour now"

"what kind of tour? ooty, simla..?"

"no man, i am going to visit all the pilgrim centers in india"

"all the centers in india?"

"as many as possible before i die". that sentence pained me a lot.

she used to call me whenever she visited a new place

"i'm in chilukuru now"

"wow, heard that it's a nice place"

"yes. i am going to ask chilukuru balaji to give me a few more months to live"

I wished with all my heart that this whole cancer ordeal should be a joke. i used to ask her to tell me the truth, to tell me that this was only a prank. she used to laugh. i didn't mind being a fool in the end, but i wanted to her to live. all things she wanted to do in life.. they shouldn't just end up as dreams.

"i'll be in hyderabad this weekend. can we meet?"

"i think so. what time?"

"actually i have very little time. i'll have to change trains, and the waiting time would be an hour or two"

"that's ok, i'll see you at the railway station"

i called her when i reached the station. she told me that she was wearing a red saree, waiting near the cafeteria. and yes, there she was, waiting for me. looking at her from 200 yards away, i thought that this whole thing was a joke after all. there was nothing ostensibly wrong with her. but as i approached her, i knew she wasn't lying.

she was tall, but looked like a true patient. with eye balls deep in her eye sockets, dark circles under her eyes and her very lean build, she was definitely ill. i slowly approached her.

"hi anveshitha"

"hi! so here you are. after all these days of chat over phone."

"yes, good to see you"

"good to see you too. now do you believe me? i wasn't lying" she smiled.

she was accompanied by her uncle & aunt. we went into the cafetaria and had some coke. she talked animatedly, waving her hands and giving a variety of facial expressions. she was vivacious. we talked for about half an hour. the very thought that such a person had to die was killing me. i couldn't stand it any longer.

"all right then, time to go"

"but my train has not arrived yet"

"yeah, but i have some urgent task now. got to go"

 i rose to leave, she followed me out of the cafeteria.

"do you really have to leave now? can't you spend another half an hour with me?"

it was too much for me "listen buddy, i told you that i would come. and i've come. now i have to leave. i've got places to be"

"ok then, go away. bye"

she turned away from me. like a child, she was angry with me. but she was teary-eyed.

"i'm really sorry anveshitha, i didn't mean to hurt you. but.."

"it's ok. thanks for coming. thanks for spending your time with me."

another 5 min with her.. and i bade farewell and left the station. only when i started driving did i notice tears in my eyes too.

over the next few days, i reduced talking to her on the phone. at that point of time, she wasn't even my friend, and i feared that any kind of emotional attachment to her would be excruciating for me in the end. i wanted to escape that anguish. she had so many things to tell me. but i always avoided talking to her, giving all kinds of excuses. gradually i started ignoring her calls. she used to ring me up once in every 2-3 days. eventually, she stopped calling.

I don't know whether i was right or wrong. I might've made a mistake. All i can do today is curse myself for taking that decision.

today, i don't even remember her name. kalyani is only a name that i fabricated for writing this whole post, in fact i never knew her name. and she never knew mine. the only name i remember is the one i gave her, anveshitha.

Some day, i'll definitely see her again. atleast in my after life. and when i get to see her, i have only one thing to tell her.. "Anveshitha.. can i be your friend..."

College life.. those were the days!

Thanks to my classmate Swaroop, for I wrote this after he wrote such a post in his blog :)

I was 15. Things weren't going as planned back then. I wanted to get into an IIT. But I had to struggle to complete my +2 syllabus in the first place. Without proper instruction at college, it wasn't easy to get through the exams. Despite the odds, I gave IIT-JEE my best shot. And prayed for the best to happen. It did happen after all.. I got a very good rank in the preliminary phase of the entrance exam. But I knew very well that the mains won't be so easy. I got through the +2 exams, and got ready for the mains of IIT-JEE. I put everything I had into it, but couldn't make it in the end.

"No problem", said my Dad, because we still had EAMCET. I know I can manage questions from the intermediate paper, but EAMCET? The very name of the exam sounded strange to me. 2 years of intermediate education, and I never bothered about the pace at which I answered. What seemed irrelevant to me for 2 years suddenly became utterly important. I practiced for a couple of weeks before the exam, guess it wasn't enough. I didn't have the time to recheck my answers during the exam, the invigilator snatched the papers on the dot. So I was back home, waiting for the key to be published in the daily magazine.

The key was one of the greatest disappointments in my life. According to the key, I scored so low, that I couldn't even think of getting into a good college. I believed that the key wasn't accurate, but the publishers believed that it was. So I kept my fingers crossed for the result to be announced. And in the end.. I was right. I scored way above what the key said I would. And I got into one of the most prestigious (yup, i mean it) universities in the country - Andhra University. Computers fascinated me ever since I was a kid. I always dreamed of becoming a computer expert myself. And so, Computer Science Engineering it was...

The first week wasn't a lot of fun on the campus. We had to get used to the college atmosphere, to the class, and to the very thought that we were no longer kids from junior college. While I was busy with these 3 things, I forgot one of the most important things on campus - SENIORS! I didn't expect a ragging-free education at college, but the first day of ragging didn't go the way I thought it would.

I was greeted by a senior (Civil Engg.) just outside our classroom with the most common question - "Are you a fresher?" When I said yes, that was the beginning. I was literally dragged into the classroom where most of the seniors were already doing the honors. I was interviewed about the trivial rules for freshers in college and I understood that I didn't know any of them. They teased me for a while, and when few guys started abusing me, I started crying! :( They continued the process till it was time for them to leave. And when they left, they took my pen and my watch. That watch was a b'day present from my dad!! How dare he?? I decided to complain to the principal about the whole thing, and I did complain.

The next day, my Dad and I met the principal, told the whole story with such intensity as if I was the only one ragged; as if mine was the worst case of ragging. We didn't give a written complaint though, even the principal discouraged it. The next day, seniors handed over my watch through my classmate. When I was leaving home that day, a senior met me on the way. I expected another round of ragging, but he was calm. He asked me why I complained to the principal, and I started the whole story over again. He talked to me for an hour and enlightened me about the senior-junior relationship. I wasn't really impressed by the talk, but I found this guy to be very friendly. From the next day, whenever seniors came, I was no longer afraid of them, I accepted it as a part of college life, I realized that I'm not something special compared to my classmates.

Time passed quicker than I thought. It was exam time, and I did fairly well. I was never the topper of the class though. 2nd year was a little fun. Seniors turned friendly and very helpful. I made some good friends and whenever we had the chance, we had a good time together. (I still wonder how such a thing ever happened, but I always made new friends in class every academic year, the introvert in me is to be blamed).

And that's when tragedy began in my life. My performance plunged from the 2nd semester of 2nd year. Everyone has personal problems, but I was terribly concerned about my own, which damaged my performance. I believed that 2-2 was my worst semester. So I was under the impression that I would be getting better by every semester, but I was getting worse. Anyway life is to enjoy to the fullest extent. I acquired quite a number of skills during my 3rd year, some of which I couldn't retain till today. I passed a lot of time with TT, cricket, video games, chatting etc. I knew campus interviews will be in the first few weeks of 4-1, so I made sure my skill set was in good shape by that time. A paper presentation, a programming contest and a puzzle contest came to the rescue. And by then, I turned into an ambivert.

I was selected for 2 good companies, my dummy project was going on well, so I stopped caring about the semester subjects for a while. This proved to me that one cannot relax at any moment in a professional course. I hit rock bottom in 4-1, with a mere 69.42% !! When I looked back, I saw a graph that dropped right from 2-2 to 4-1, without even a single rise in it. Now I wanted to set things right, but it was too late. I had only 1 semester left, my last chance. How would I do great in this semester when I spoiled the previous 4 semesters? I grew lazy by then, but managed a 77.5% in the final semester. That brought my aggregate to a not-bad 75%. My project (oops! sorry gang, it was our project :) ) was also a good one (it was at least a fresh idea). That way, I completed my precious B.Tech.

Those were the days! Just like I've read somewhere, it is probably the last place in your life where you have some truly unadulterated fun. I believe every one of our class has experiences which won't fit into a single post.



Even to this day, whenever I go to Vizag, no matter how busy my schedule is, I visit our college once. I just walk around in the campus. The benches on which we sat chit chatting for hours, the ground where we played tirelessly, the roads we walked just to pass time, the classrooms, the labs ... yes, they all seem like heaven to me now. Andhra University is one place which shaped me into a person I was going to be for the rest of my life. These are the memories I will carry in my heart till my last breath. If only I had a chance to get those days back.. hmmm.. what more could anyone ask for?

My first film!!

When did it all begin?

Long long ago
But not so long ago
Cannot say how long ago

I work for CA.. Computer Associates. Our office was in a campus called Vanenburg IT park, Madhapur. There were a dozen other offices sharing the same premises. CA started constructing its own campus at Gachibowli a few of years ago. I never knew at what pace the construction activity took place, but I should say there was a little delay in completion. And finally in September 2007, we decided to move in.

The HR guys conducted a few competitions on the occasion of the move, making a short film was one of them. The short film had to be based on the campus move. At first our team mates (buddies for short) and team lead ("lead" for short) decided to make a short film on the improved life @ workplace we as a team would have upon moving to our own premises. But later that idea was dropped, partly because we were either too lazy to get started or too busy with business; partly because another group had already started filming with a similar concept. We guys were so busy with our ongoing projects, that we hardly noticed the progress our peer film makers were making. And when the time came, we moved to the new campus. The management decided to move a few teams every weekend over the next few weeks, ours was among the first teams to be shifted.

I hit on an idea for short film on a fine day, which was approved by my buddies & lead. All we needed is a plan to shoot the film. It had nothing to do with the differences between old and new campuses, but centered around a experiences of a single employee during the campus move. I thought it was the best way to stick to the theme suggested by the judges. So, will me make it?

Of course, YES! We got a camera from our manager, and we started making plans. We knew that we were late, the deadline for short film submission was fast approaching. Now I started hunting for some acting talent. I felt like Spielberg! I was pretty sure that I would finalize the "cast & crew" for our film. It wasn't until I tried that I realized that I was terribly mistaken. People had all sorts of creative reasons to reject my offer. Some were camera shy, some were busy with projects and some were busy acting in the other short films! The Spielberg in me vanished into thin air. I managed to grab a handful of people to start off.

We had to get back to our old campus at Madhapur to shoot a major portion of the film. Transport courtesy: Our lead. We went there that afternoon and had to go back to campus by evening.. had some important work to do. I knew I had little time. And very little battery power for the camera. 3 days of sporadic planning couldn't remind us of verifying the status of the battery. I was low on resources, but high on hopes.

Every time I started a shot, the camera beeped violently, indicating low battery. For every 30 seconds of filming, I had to recharge the battery for a while. What's more interesting is the fact that I don't have a script ready in my hands. I had to plan for shots on the spot. I feared that I might make mistakes bigger than anticipated. I quickly shot scenes which I felt would be apt for the context.

That wasn't the end of all problems. I wanted an empty floor for the flashback of the film. A few teams were still working on that floor. So I had to shoot without any of them getting in the frame. I was director Akira Kurosawa for a while, using multiple filming techniques to get better footage. Also we had to move hardware in and out of cubicles to bring the effect of a transition. We improvised by getting props from our friends on the floor. But I wasn't satisfied yet. How do I establish the fact that the entire floor was empty?

I was forced to pack up earlier than I planned. We went back to campus, I began editing the raw footage. And by around 11:30 pm, I was back at the old campus with the camera. With different light settings, I guess I got the right output in the end. One guy was still on the floor, but I wasn't really bothered about him. It was a spacious floor after all.

I wanted to have another day for shooting, but people were busy with project work. Prioritizing things, I couldn't find my short film ahead of many other tasks. I had to adjust with whatever little footage I had. I used trial version of a video editing software, which was good enough for my movie. I shot the last couple of minutes in the film at our new campus. The security at campus were alarmed by the sight of a video camera capturing the surroundings. We toldthem that it was part of a competition within the campus & multiple films were already being shot within the premises.

Things started getting tougher when we hit the road for a scene. We were stalled by the traffic police because I forgot to bring my driving license. As if I hadn't had enough by then, the CM was visiting Gachibowli stadium for an international sports event and the police were worried about my camera! It took 30 minutes of talking to convince the inspector that we were innocent
and get out of there.

Everything was set by then. I believed whatever little footage I had should be enough. I knew I could make use of the stock of pictures I have on my machine. But I was really bothered about the dubbing part. I planned to have the entire film as a montage with a voice over. But it wasn't easy to record voices at office without disturbance. So I had to compromise with subtitles instead of voices. And I really hunted like crazy for background score. I wasn't against the idea of using music from hit movies, but at least part of the score should be unrelated to the cinema world. Out of hundreds of midi sequences I've heard on the web, I finally selected a few.

The editing took longer than I expected. I wasn't surprised. After all, an amateur film maker like me couldn't have done better than that. Staying back in office late nights for a few days.. I managed to finish off the film. It wasn't a masterpiece, but it did look fresh and nice. We submitted the short film to our judges and waited for the results. And as expected by the most of us, the short film regarding Improved life @ CA got the prize. They're short film had a touch of humor, mine had a touch of emotion.

And after the long journey through my short film making, I realize one thing. It is not just the actors on screen that should get credit. It is the people behind the screens who should be praised. When a movie becomes a hit, fans attribute the success entirely to the hero of the movie. It is OK to appreciate an actor for his contribution, but it is the on-the-set and post production staff's effort that make it a hit movie. Without them, no hero would ever become a hero...

Jumbled thoughts!

U r truly alone when u r not happy with urself.

LIFE IS A COMPROMISE
This is what people say when they r tired. You might not win, but never give up without putting up a decent fight.

WINNING IS NOT IMPORTANT IN LIFE, IT IS THE ONLY THING!
But there are a few things that are more real than winning. When u lose to something, don't curse yourself, be grateful that it has taught you one more lesson, that you should never give up.. You are not a hero when you win, but you are one when you can face a situation even when all the odds are stacked against you.

There might be a million reasons why you don't deserve to live, but one reason is sufficient to keep you alive.. Live life to the fullest extent, u never know when u r going to get the call to return. And always do ur best...

Even when you are pinned down, fight back.. you might not win, but you will eventually realize the fruits of perseverance...

LOVE
love is not an action, love is not something u give to someone. it is a feeling u experience, just as any other emotion like happiness or sorrow. u can make it enjoyable, u can make it painful, it is all ur free-will. there is nothing called "love-failure" in this world. love never fails, if a person thinks he has a "love-failure", it is he/she who failed to enjoy its beauty...

Easy money!

You think this is one more page where someone can help you become rich without working? Darn, things really get to peoples' heads at times. Where do you think you are? Not every website/blog is here to give illusions :)

Recently I've come across many websites with flashing banners, that promise to make you a millionare without much effort. I've seen many advertisements in a countless websites, each promising a different deal. But these advertisements seem to have evolved over time.

Work from home - earn Rs.2000/month
Work 3-4 hours a day - earn Rs.4000/month
Work 1 hour a day - earn Rs.7500/month
Work 1 hour per week - earn Rs. 20,000/month

But the big daddy of all these is...

Earn Rs.75,000 to 1,50,000 without working!!!

I was shocked to see such a huge salary offered without work. Who wouldn't like the idea of sitting idle all day and getting paid? As curious as I am, I ventured out to know what it is. And I've found what I thought I'd find.

I was greeted by a flash animation on the home page of that website. It has a beautiful movie that drives home their idea that "u can't enjoy life if you keep working at your job. So join us and make money without working, so that you can enjoy your life to the fullest extent". Sounded interesting. I proceeded to the website's next page, and what did I find here? Another animation, no different than the first. Oh yes, the colors and the background music did change a little bit, but it was the same message again - "earn without working". So I didn't waste any time and clicked the NEXT button. This time I found just what I've expected - another animation. Same crap. This was getting old. I had to skip another 4 animations before the website showed some pity on me and started showing something that made sense. For simplicity, let us call that business "MEOW".

The basic idea of MEOW was to sell their CDs full of e-books, which is software according to MEOW. MEOW CDs as a package cost $997. CDs which would teach you all the secrets of business and let you surpass Bill Gates in it. Now let us say I always wanted to get richer than Bill Gates. So, I buy those CDs from a MEOW distributor. That makes me his referral. Now, if I were to make money, I've got to sell those CDs to someone. But my first 2 customers would become my predecesor's referrals, not mine. That would mean I'll start getting my paycheck from my 3rd sale. But how can I make people buy MEOW CDs from me? No problemo, MEOW offers me a helping hand. It makes all the sales for me, with a commission of $200 per sale. Effectively, I need not move a finger and I keep getting money every month. Sounds interesting, isn't it?

But mind you, this is one big mirage. There's no money coming out of nowhere. It is your money going to the one who referred you and your referral's money coming to you. Hence, money flows upward in the pyramid of sales. The bottom row in the sales network gets no commission. MEOW is merely blinding you from the truth that there can never be an infinite potential for their product.

Same is the case with every multilevel marketing company. Why would anyone buy a product? We buy something because we want to use it. If I don't use a product, there's no way I'm going to buy it. Most of the multilevel marketing products are useless or outclassed by the leading manufacturers of the same stuff. Then how does a company make a customer buy its product? Simple, go to the customer and tell him/her, "Buy my product, subsequently you can make a lot of money selling the same product". Customers who fall for this become multilevel marketers.

I remember the days when my father was part of a multilevel marketing firm. He wasn't an active partner, he wasn't really interested in it, but he had to buy some stupid products because his colleague was pressing it on him everyday. He wanted to make money by selling some products to my father, but he would say "Join us and earn a lot of money!". This particular company also manufactured a lot of foods which they claimed were nutritious. My grandmother was having a few health problems (very few for her age, I'd say). Then one day this marketer lady showed up and started talking to my grandma about her new nutri powder stuff. All she said was "Amma, I've used this powder and it changed my life. I recovered from a bed-ridden state to the energitic person in front of you now. Have faith in me, take this powder and it'll take you 40 years back in time". Both she and my grandma knew very well that this time travel theory wouldn't work. But that's what marketing is all about! What that lady didn't know was that my grandma knows medicine better than half of the doctors in town. Grandma was wise enough to say "Sure, I'll use that powder" and send her away.

All these businesses work on one principle. Show the customer wonderland before they get in. After they get in, they'll see the reality for themselves. But then it would be too late and there would be nothing he/she could do. The customer already would've spent a great deal, hence left with no choice but to get that money back by selling the same product to others. This chain goes on and on, until either someone throws enough light on the business to keep people out of it.. or till the government intervenes and smacks down such illegal business models.

I almost forgot, I got a message in orkut, some guy wants to show me how to
* earn Rs.2000 to 1,50,000 per week
* educate myself and my family sitting at home
* become a leader
* show what I am to the world

I've sent him a message asking for more details. What if this guy is not a multilevel marketer and has some ultimate concept that can change my life forever? Oh man, I don't wanna take any chances.. waiting for his reply :)

The interview

It was the year 2006 (last year, isn't it?). I was still very much new to my job, trying to get accustomed to the various protocols at office. Most of my friends were already placed in various multi-national companies, with handsome compensation packages. Few of them were still hunting for jobs, and almost all of them were trying to get a job in Hyderabad.

One of my friends wanted to attend a walk-in interview at some software company(call it Babloo Inc. for simplicity), and as it was on a weekend, I thought accompanying my friend would be a good idea, afterall I had nothing to do on that day. I've visited the website of Babloo last week, so by this point of time, I got the silly idea of taking the test myself. Not because I wanted to jump to Babloo if I get selected, but sitting idle for hours together didn't seem to be a good passtime. So we took off that morning (Babloo was far from the places we lived), hoping that it would turn out to be a good day for both of us. We were wrong.

It was a hot and sunny day, it was terrible driving under the scorching sun. What makes it worse is the the city traffic; it is the toughest thing to deal with. It is like you are one among a hundred rats running in a maze. I don't remember when I made a journey without abrupt braking on these roads. And this day was no different. I almost hit a few of cars, narrowly missed a couple of pedestrians (these are the ones walking in the middle of the road), before safely arriving at our destination.

Obviously, we were late by half an hour. But Babloo Inc. hasn't started it's business day yet. We had to wait outside the office for a good one and a half hour, before being let in. We waited near the reception, along with dozens of others, waiting eagerly for the 1st part of the selection process - the written test. But the Babloo staff had something in store for us. It was an introduction kind of thing for those who wanted to join Babloo. I would've called it orientation, but only if I hadn't attented it.

We were led into a small lab, which reminded me of the small internet cafe at the end of our street. We were told that we would be taking the written exam right there after the introduction. I thought it would be a computer adaptive test, but someone told me that it was a paper based test. After 10 minutes, a young lady (a few years our senior, I guess) entered the lab. She started talking about what Babloo is all about, Babloo's mission statement, Babloo's history, blah blah blah. I was wondering if she would ever tell us what their requirement was. She then put out the most important fact in front of us.

"There will be a written test & an interview, if you clear both, you will be put in a training program at Babloo. For 6 months, Babloo will teach you the latest technologies and real-time industry-standard project-oriented stuff. This will be unlike anything you've ever seen in your life, so tough and so hard, but you have to be committed towards it. After the training, you will be given placement assistance..."

Bingo. So Babloo Inc. is not where the shortlisted guys are going to work. Then why would Babloo train people, only to give them away to other companies? The answer came as I was still thinking, but it was not framed in a way I had anticipated.

"...and since Babloo has to make sure you take this training seriouly, Babloo charges 50,000 INR for every candidate it trains".

Very clever indeed. And why did I expect her to say something as stupid as "You'll have to pay 50,000 bucks as training fee"

She continued.. ".. Even TCS, Wipro make employees sign bonds for thousands of rupees, so it is what almost every other company does"

"Is Babloo really on par with TCS? Moreover, those companies pay back the bond money", I thought. Unfortunately, I said this aloud. The lady gave me an icy stare.

"Of course we are on par with TCS, but we are charging money because we spend lot of resources on each candidate's training"

I wasn't satisfied with that answer. "Babloo might be training people, but so does TCS", I said.

"Babloo is charging money only because the standard of Babloo training is very high".

I didn't ask her if Babloo standards were higher than those set by TCS, because by now I had a feeling that they weren't.

So she went on for another 10 minutes explaining how all their previous employees (or students, to be more precise) got placed in million & billion $ companies. She left the lab saying that she would be back with the question papers for written test. I could say from the look on her face that she didn't like me.

We were expecting her to return, but another girl came into lab, she moved in so quickly that I thought she was in some trouble. Of course, she wasn't in any right then, she was only in a hurry. She greeted everyone with a big smile and introduced herself (why don't we call her suhasini.. she was smiling more than anyone else in that office). Now I recognized her face, she was talking to someone at the reception earlier. But she wasn't wearing any identification tag at the reception, and she was wearing one now.

Suhasini told us that she was from the previous batch and she is part of some good firm now (flashing her tag at us). She talked for 15 minutes - in what she might've believed was an inspiring tone, but it was rather boring.

"Even I was worried about my future before I joined Babloo. I was sitting in this very lab, struggling to become what I am now. So tomorrow, you'll be in my place, and you'll all get great jobs.I guess you are all fresh out of college, and this training will be a great help for you". I was yawning at this point. Everyone was calm, some of them even nervous. Guess the Babloo hype got to their heads and they were worring about the difficulty level of the written test. I've decided to ease their discomfort, so I started a conversation with suhasini(her beautiful smile, remember?) , on everyone's behalf.

"Do you really think Babloo training will help us get jobs? All of us here are not 2006 passouts".

"Oh, that really doesn't matter. Babloo training is the best in the industry, so even a 2005 passout can get a job immediately after Babloo training.. and..."

"What about 2004 passouts?", I interrupted.

"I guess 2004 passouts might have a difficult time because that would mean they were jobless for 2 years"

"I am a 2004 passout, what are my chances?" cried out someone from the last row.

"Um.. uh.. you see, 2004 passout, you say? ok, no problem, Babloo can help you out, the year of passing isn't really important"

I refrained myself from asking if Babloo can help year 2000 passed out freshers. I continued asking suhasini various other questions, and I observed her smile slowly fading away. I heard giggles from the rear of the lab during the conversation. She finally asked me why I was at Babloo that day. I instantaneously made up a story .. "One of my friends joined a company like Babloo, and after training, she was placed in CA. I thought Babloo can get me placed in a similar company".

She gave a wide grin .. "Oh yeah, CA. that's a very good company. You know, if you join Babloo and work really really hard, you can also get into CA".

Great. This girl wants to help me get into the company I am already working for.

She finally said her best-of-luck & goodbye and left the lab, leaving behind a group of guys & girls eager to become Babloo-ians.

In came the first lady (the lady who spoke to us first), with question papers. She announced that we are supposed to answer 20 questions in 20 minutes, and we won't be given extra time. I took one, and I was actually looking forward to taking the test. How hard can such a test be? She made it appear as if it was going to be a tough exam. I have already come to the conclusion that Babloo is trying to make money, so I was expecting an easy paper. But when I looked at the very first question, I was stunned. It was nothing like I've ever seen. The first question itself was a shock for everyone.

If you have Rs.400, and you give your friend 25% of that, how much will you be left with?"


A. Rs. 100

B. Rs. 200

C. Rs. 300

D. Rs. 350


What did I do to deserve this? The remaining questions were no tougher than this. With all effort, I made up my mind to answer atleast 15 incorrectly. I too wanted to have some fun. I was surprised to see that some of the guys were actually happy to see such a paper. God save them.

After the test, we waited outside for the results. I didn't see suhasini at the reception. After 15 minutes, the results were announced. All of us were selected! Now I knew the cutoff for this exam. The cutoff was fifty thousand bucks. I was wondering what questions the interviewers would ask. "What is capital of India?".. or "How many thousands are there in a million?", perhaps.

Once the interviews started, I noticed that each interview wasn't for more than 5 minutes. The others were asked to fill in personal information in a sheet in the meantime. Though it was only 5 minutes, Fun is always fun. I wanted that interview. I always watched funny interviews in movies and I wanted to see it for real. My friend was interviewed first, only to be back in 2 minutes.

"What kind of interview was that? You just walked in and walked out"

"No questions pal, just asked me to consult with my parents and talk to them about paying the cash and joining Babloo"

I no longer wanted that interview. Afterall, what kind of interview was it without questions? We left before I was interviewed. I didn't worry about those people calling me up and asking to attend that so-called interview, because I gave my name as Konidela Siva Sankara Vara Prasad (Mega Star's real name) and phone number as 98480 22338 (Sivamani phone number)

We had lunch at a nearby restaraunt. That day was a funny experience for both of us. To this day I can't forget the expression on one of the girls' face, when she came out of the interview and asked her brother "They want me to pay 50 thousand bucks and join. Can I, brother?". She was literally jumping on her way back in after her brother said YES.

Babloo's head office is in Australia, and they opened their only branch in India in 2005. I scanned the entire website of Babloo the next day, but there was no mention of such a training program in it. Babloo is basically like every other product development company. Then why are the staff here conducting such apparently false training programs? I leave it to your imagination. To this day, Babloo Inc., Hyderabad, India continues its activities unperturbed.

Any Babloo-ians out there?

I haven't written a new post after my cricket article. please bear with my language or punctuation, because this is one post that i want people to read and realize what is going on around the world. or to be more precise, what they are doing in this world. i am not going to rephrase any of my words while typing. time is 5:15 am (yes, i haven't slept all night), but now, i don't think i can either.

in my stupid habit of browsing the web at nights, i came across a news article in some unknown website. god knows why i came to that webpage, but it almost made me scream aloud in anger, all i feared was if i would disturb the people who are sleeping.. my neighbours.

go through this llink yourself, you'll feel more or less the same emotion.

http://www.aina.org/news/20070425181603.htm

i don't know if this article will be available by the time any of u are trying to access this link, so i am posting the content over here.

***************

Mosul, Iraq -- According to the Kurdish website Jebar.info up to 1000 men from the Yezidi Kurdish community of Mosul killed a teenager who's only crime was running away to marry a Muslim man whom she loved and converting to his religion.

For four months the girl had been given shelter by a local Muslim Sheik. It was reported that in the last few days her family persuaded her to return home, convincing her that she had been forgiven by her parents and relatives for her mistake.

In a short mobile video clip which appears to have been taken by locals at seen of the murder, the girl is seen being ambushed on her way home by a group of up to 1000 men who were waiting for her to return; the men killed her in the most brutal way possible, by throwing large stones on her head. The following clips show that while she is alive and crying for help she is taunted and kicked in her stomach until someone finishes her off by throwing a large stone on her face.

Warning: the following videos (RealPlayer) show graphic and disturbing images:

video 1
video 2
video 3
video 4
video 5
video 6

From the clips it appears that the girl was first stripped naked to symbolize that she had dishonored her family and her Yezidi religion. She is lying on the road naked while her smashed face is covered with blood and still breathing.

According to the website and footage from the clip a number of armed local police officers were present who in fact helped the crowd to kill the woman rather than preventing the crime. Sometime later the Iraqi army arrived at the scene and refused anyone entry, including the press.

Killing women for reasons of honor, shame and religion does happens in regions of Kurdistan and Iraq. The above incidents are not uncommon in some of the deeply religious and traditional communities. For long violence against women has been commonly used as a political and religious weapon and as a means of social control.

***************

yes, i've watched all 6 videos. and what do we have here? a herd of bloody bull-like idiots killing a helpless girl for no reason? oh yeah, there is a reason. "LOVE"

what are these people upto ??? one hell of a community where a person cannot decide whom she can marry. it is the bunch of morons who decide whom she should marry. morons who have absolutely nothing to do with her life. if she gets into any sort of trouble, none of those scoundrels would even show up. everybody wants to lead a peaceful life left undisturbed by the problems of others. but when it comes to a group activity like stoning innocents to death, they are there!! materializing from no where to kill girls like her in a jiffy.

every mythology, every religion asserts that all the people are created by GOD. no darn community ever sprang from the stars and landed on the earth. it is all a convenient form of social evolution, in other words, people trying to satisfy their urge for power. now what's the problem if there ever is a marriage across races??? especially if both girl & boy are very much human??? there's no telling where this evolution would lead to.

Jesus did not save a woman from stoning for no reason. no damn human on this planet is perfect. but an imperfection to this scale is a threat to humanity itself. i know most of the people who u can think of won't stone girls / boys to death. but there are torturers out there, waiting like vultures to grab on to the very first opportunity and humiliate the so called "SINNERS" and drive them crazy. no idiot stranger is going to be so altruistic to take your side at the cost of his own welfare, but these bloody buggers will be standing like wolves just waiting to pounce upon and devour you. remember, if a person has nothing to do with your well-being, then don't let him interfere with your business, don't let him control your destiny, chuck him the heck out of your personal life.